Remember when that mysterious traveling salesman blew through Fecund Gulch and generously rewired all of our computers so they’d be Web 2.5 compatible, for something like a third of his usual fee? Well I wish he’d had time to provide a little instruction before he left in the dead of night like that--after all, some of us are still suffering from World Web Woes and there’s nothing .com-edic about it! So without further ado, here’s a handy fact sheet I came up with to make surfing online as easy and danger-free as surfing at the beach:
-Be sure to check any e-mail you get, you’ll be glad you did!
-Send your friend instructions on how to log onto www.youtube.com, They’ll thank you and you’ll look smart for showing them the way. (Don’t worry, your secret’s safe with us!)
-If you think there need to be more art websites, don’t just sit there stewing, start a chatroom about the topic and invite friends to circulate an online petition.
-Take a picture of the screen and frame it.
-Start a blog, but make sure you do it when everyone’s asleep so it won’t look like you’re just trying to show off.
-copy and paste what your friends say in your chatroom and print it out. When you see them later, hand them the printout of what they said!
-If you’re having trouble logging into your email call your internet service provider and describe what’s on your screen pixel by pixel, starting with the middle pixel and working your way outward. For example, you might tell the customer support specialist “blue, white, white, blue, black, white, white, white.” If all else fails, call 911.
-Blindfold any nearby pets before attempting to hack.
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Hey Christian (and "JOSH SHREVE"). Good to hear from you, hope you're doing well. Did you ever make it to the finals in the New Yorker Caption Contest? I could really use that $250,000 grand prize.
ReplyDeleteYour blog is excellent. Let me know if you have any shows or anything around town.